Today sucked.

A good friend will keep your secrets and make sure you're ok.
A best friend already had wine chilling and chinese takeout ordered before you got halfway to her.

Today was not a good day. I am remedying it with Red Cat and some solo time to put together a portfolio that A) opens on any computer and B) doesn't make me want to gag every time I look at the photos. I will promptly follow with calling my boyfriend and getting sleep. The getting sleep part is going to be halfassed and probably quite unproductive, but it's worth a shot.

Hope everyone else's Fridays were superb.

4 Years.

Just had a very sobering experience reflecting on my work in the last 4 years.

I need to put together a portfolio of work for my Portfolio Prep class with Anita tomorrow, when it hit me: I never found a niche or a cohesive process or style in my 4 years of photo classes. None of my photos in my portfolio make any sense with one another, and I don't have enough of any one "type" to make a separate portfolio. Nothing matches, and most of my favorite / best work came from almost two years ago.

I was reminded why I may not necessarily want to go into a photo-only career field. I love it, and I know I'm not bad at it, but my work suggests that I may not be settled and happy with it anymore. It was one thing that I felt that way, it's another to physically see it all side by side.

Maybe I'm just scared, so nothing looks right.
I'll keep ya'll posted, this could last all semester.

Miss Caroline*

Miss Caroline*
Originally uploaded by Shanna McKay

I did some test shots for a process I was learning of Miss Caroline almost a full year ago, and COMPLETELY forgot I processed a few of them! My two favorites are on my flickr, just click her face to take you there ♥

Lipstick

Lipstick
Originally uploaded by Shanna McKay

More process photos of Miranda are up.
Next on the list is all of McKayla, and then hopefully another shoot next weekend with Miss Aneal (of Rochester).

I need to go school supply shopping this afternoon. I couldn't be more excited. Buying new notebooks and pens is one of the single most thrilling experiences of my life.

Speaking of thrilling experiences, Edward Scissorhands opens February 25th (26th, 27th) and everyone that reads this (and isn't already in the cast or directing...) should find themselves in the theater catching this performance. It's my last time on stage, no I don't want to talk about it, and it's free with student ID. Be there, my lovelies.

Some Thoughts in Aesthetics

My mind wanders, a lot. If I don't write down what I'm thinking while listening to something else, I will completely tune out on accident. Writing lists is my form of doodling. If I tune out Sanders for 10 seconds, it takes me the next 5 minutes to catch back up. My mind organized the following preoccupations:

Currently Obsessed With:
ROOMS: A Rock Romance
scrambled eggs and cheese
lace anything
HOUSE season 4 (catching up to dive into 5)
Original Triscuits and Philly cream cheese
bows (particularly hairbows but I'm not picky)

Still Obsessed With:
the Bad Romance video
Lipton raspberry hot tea with cream
drag queens & related culture
Schweppes (who enjoys running in her ball really late while I work really late)
Doc Sanders talking - I swear he could talk for an hour about a dog taking a shit and I'd be enthralled and probably learn something. So glad I can take one last class with him before graduation, even if the material is more than likely going to kick my ass.

Already Tired Of:
waking up to an alarm
our shower always being cold
this rain-snow-spring-snow weather of Caz
KE$HA
the girls who don't know how to blend weather-appropriate YET fashionable outfits (we live in Central New York, give me a break, you're cold, admit it)

Currently Miss More Than Life:
Efes chips and cheese. Like real bad. Having dreams about it.
Casey
flipflops
taking pictures that personally make me happy
My boyfriend ♥

Currently Thankful For:
galoshes

In other news, I gnawed the inside of my lower lip, straight up mangled it, during class. Really should have remembered to make tea before class, or at least take a piece of gum. My oral fixation got the best of me.

Late night ahead: still have rehearsal 9-11, Mexican Craft Monday @ 11:15, promptly followed by drawing something for Kim, filling out a contract for Anita, and finishing editing all of my drag photos to finally put online and put into a working portfolio (also for Anita).

Binghamton is drowning, from what I heard today. It is sleeting in Caz. I hate this weather.

Just a moment

Can we all just take a moment to agree that these shoes are breathtaking?
I was working on my resume and marketing, but imgfave.com always manages to ruin my concentration, even when I'm using it to reference the work I'm doing in the first place.

Gifts & Supplies

Did a quick Target run last night for some supplies for the school year - got Post Its finally, as I've been out for weeks and resorted to making my own mini notepad (not nearly as cute or efficient as it sounds). So far, no books and no serious supplies, but I know all of that will change between Kim's projects and what I end up needing for the Gallery Show in April. I'm counting my good graces that I don't need much right now; cash is rather tight.

I did, however, pick up (on sale!) this delightful file organizer. I have no way to keep my taxes and other business documents (resumes, contracts, release forms, price lists, etc) organized and ready at hand, until now. Scary that this is real world stuff finally.And since I was being all studious and office-official, I figured I needed something new and mesmerizing on my desk, as a little gift to myself and a reward for being on top of things so early in the year (and hopefully a nice little reminder to keep it that way). I found (again, on sale!) this charming snowglobe of one of my favorite places in the entire world.If my business works out, maybe some day I'll make it back. I've never had a real snowglobe before, so I simply couldn't pass it up. They also had Big Ben but my lovehate relationship with London is not something I readily reminisce about.

What do you find you need to get yourself amped back up for either school or a new business venture? Do you do a little rewards system, or is it strictly business?

Back Home

Just in case I forgot to mention at the end of last semester, I'll cover my bases now: During a benefit silent auction for Two Smiles, One Hope, I won two original (not to mention beautiful) paintings from Miss Teapots herself Caroline. Our walls now have 3 large format prints compliments of Miss Manning and these two lovely ladies - I wish I was creative enough to want my work on walls ha. That should become a new goal =p
I was also birthday gifted my favorite booze from the Caz Lovers (ignore the cheesy kisses, I just couldn't help myself)
Not to mention a breast cancer awareness bracelet (get yours here), proclaiming that I (heart) BOOBIES - because, I mean, who doesn't?
I promise to stop posting just pictures taken lazily with my Mac with my face in the way of the point & ruining the composition soon, I'll have no choice but to be creative again and take real pictures.

In other news, Tuesdays are officially Snuggle Tuesdays, as well as unofficially Throwback To Childhood Movie Tuesdays, both of which can take place on the couch. Thursdays are for drinking, Mondays are for Mexican Crafts, and sooner or later I'm going to start doing my radio show (hopefully) on Wednesdays. If that starts without a hitch, and if I figure out technology, I'll figure out how to post a show some time.

I don't have class until Thursday morning. Rehearsals start tomorrow. Here goes one more (last! eek! scurry. for reals.) semester.

Birthday Update :: Pictures!

Katie talked at me through a lobster carcass hand puppet during dinner... happy birthday me!
My actual birthday was spent with my Love for the majority of the day, he gave me this beautiful necklace, gorg pink roses, and a pair of driving gloves (my wheel and stick shift are freeezing this time of year, even after the car heats itself up) -- we then went shopping for a killer Lady Gaga outfit for my party on Friday. After he left to go to work for the night, I went out with my mom, Katie Sann, and my mom's friend Carin to get margaritas at AppleBees. From there, we got Kyle, met my dad at Harry L Pub and enjoyed ourselves for the evening. Scott eventually got to join us, which was a delightful end to the night.

Thursday was my tattoo, compliments of my boyfriend, who is typically against me getting more:

Dave Rubin at Fingerlakes Tattoos on the Vestal Parkway. Nice guy, did a great job matching the size and angle of my original sparrow.

This is how it looks today, a bit more healed (the blue on the right [my left]) - It's a little bit bigger, but I'm not concerned, I think it looks amazing.
Thursday night I shot Mike / McKayla and finished out my night at Merlins with the hometown lovers & some fabulous queens.
Friday, I found myself feeling awful. My dad tore his achilles tendon in his right foot and I had to drive him around for his work errands all morning. I was light headed and dizzy, just not feeling like myself. I wasn't hungry and when I ate I felt like I might lose it. I should have cancelled my party then and there, but I was doing all I could to feel better. This sickness just creeped right up on me - first a cough that didn't feel like "sick" at all, followed a week later with sinus issues, and then began fighting my stomach. I just can't seem to get healthy.

Either way, my friends still came over at 7, and we were all out Gaga. I wish I didn't feel so horrible because they really pulled out the stops.

(Can we discuss Kev's crown & Katie's awesome bow hair? My friends kick ass.)

Apples to Apples (one of my alltime favorite games) got started and within a round I was in the bathroom throwing up my one slice of pizza and half a cocktail. Just out of nowhere. When that didn't let up and I still felt like hell, Katie and Kyle rounded everyone up to move the party (it was only 9 oclock, and they looked fabulous, no reason to lose a whole night) and I died in Kyle's bed for the rest of the night.

Today? Still feeling under the weather, but no where near as terrible as yesterday.
Tonight is a hockey game and (hopefully) some more queens after with my Love and mommy.
Monday it's back to school for me - I've been packing (kinda) for the day, hoping to take tomorrow real easy with just a couple of lunch/dinner things with Erica & Casey, then the night with my Love.

Hope everyone has had a lovely winter break <3

Happy Birthday to Me

Not much to say - Dad made dinner last night (grilled surf and turf? in the snow? he's a master.) & Katie joined with her boy Scott (who's a doll, I'm so happy for them) & we just had a delightful early birthday dinner.

Mom surprised me with The Brave Little Toaster on dvd. I'm obviously over the moon thrilled about it.

Today's a nice easy going one, where the cat has a yearly checkup & I end up at a bar with my mom having margaritas if all goes as planned. I like these kinds of days.

Just a little PS - this is one of my new favorite things.

Process

Process
Originally uploaded by Shanna McKay

I put just a few of these on my flickr, you should probably check them out.

I'm pretty satisfied with my process photos, but I'm less than thrilled with my portraits. Definitely need to shoot with Jordan again.

I didn't shoot Mike today, it's been pushed to Thursday. I'm quite alright with this change because due to sickness, I didn't have enough planning behind this shoot. Instead, I went shopping with my mother. Someone else to buy me clothes and all I found was a dress (it's a little ridiculous, needs some alterations but I still love it), a comfy shirt, and some argyle socks. Oh well, it was delightful to spend the whole day with my mom, it's been too long.

Tonight, I'm off to McGirks Pub with some of the hometown lovers & then spending the rest of the night at the apartment with my actual love <3

Shoot

My lens is shot. Even with a glorious new camera, if I use my old glass, the shots are going to be soft. I just don't understand. I've already asked Nige what I should look into getting. I'm hoping I can afford something decent in the very near future.

Still shooting with Mike on Monday, I'm hoping the practice will help me figure out what to do in the meantime.

I'm desperately getting to a walk-in clinic today. This cough has officially gotten the best of me and I'm not willing to be a disheveled sick mess all next week too. Hopefully it's nothing serious and can be dealt with with simple medication. Hopefully I haven't waited too long and it's developed into something less simple than maybe bronchitis. I'm not sleeping and my body can't handle this whooping barking cough anymore, it shakes me to pieces every time. I hate doctors but there's only so much I can do with self medication (which, to be honest, hasn't failed me in 3 years til now). Meh.

More another time when I'm not feeling so useless and achy.

Cannot contain myself.

Today went so well. Tonight went even better. I couldn't have asked for a better start to my capstone. Jordan was a joy to work with, and as Miranda? A killer riot. Fierce has become cliche to describe her, but... there's no other words to cover it.

To top off the night - ROOMS a rock musical is FINALLY available on iTunes. Roxy took us to see the show last spring, and it was brand new, off Broadway, I immediately fell in love and now I have the music. It's as good as when we were front row.

I can't sleep, I'm so wired from the Monster and the amazingly good vibes.

More tomorrow when I get pictures edited. I can't settle; they must be browsed and minor edited, with ROOMS in the background of course.

Quickly

Before I have to jet to take pictures, I just wanted to throw this out there -- Next week is going to be the most chaotic awesome week of a long long time. On top of all those other aforementioned plans, I am now shooting my second drag queen (I need to find a better way to phrase that...) - an old acquaintance of high school. I'm so looking forward to it.

Finally, I'm just in a constant state of go go go again and I'm so happy to be back to me.

Silly Life

"Yeah, I just went into work to pick up some ribs my boss just made, sat and had a beer while I was there."
"Oh yeah, so do you work at a restaurant?"
"Nope, independent photography studio..."

That just happened.
I can't wait to own my own business.

Had lunch with Miss Mama Casey, it's funny how much she misses people now that she's basically a hermit. Now that she's not pressured with school, she has all this free time to spend hanging out and no one else does because we're now going through what she went through last semester. Her and her kitten are cuties though.
Tomorrow, photo shoot with Jordan (hopefully two, one in and one out of drag).
Next week is a doozy:
Monday I need to gather my life together, and maybe see if I can fit in one more shoot.
Tuesday my parents and Kyle are taking me out to dinner for my birthday.
Wednesday is my actual birthday, and since my Dad has bowling and Kyle is at work til late, I can't celebrate with family, so my Mom, Casey, and whoever else wants in, might go to TGIFridays or AppleBees for margaritas til Dad's done, then the pub after
Thursday I get my third tattoo and have lunch with my cousin Eliz.
aaand Friday my friends are apparently throwing me some sort of birthday party, but I refuse to get my hopes up because I don't really like birthdays to begin with.

I don't mind that my family can't hang out on my actual birthday, seeing as how it's inconveniently in the middle of the week, and I'm by far not one of those "I shouldn't have to work today or do anything because it's my birthday" sort of people - sure I'd like to be spoiled a little, but I don't expect anything, it's not a "real" holiday and I sort of think after 21, birthdays just aren't worth getting too pumped about. Maybe that'll change as I get older, I've just never been one to be overly excited for my birthday. I had a really good 16th birthday party, and since then... meh.

Do you like birthdays? If you're one of those people that get jazzed about birthdays, I'd really like to know why. Perhaps I'll change my tune if someone gave me a good reason. Just seeing everyone I love for a solid week will perk me up enough to head back to school the following Monday.

Adding to the goals

Another side goal that occurred to me yesterday for the new year - as a 21 year old, you're expected to drink cheap and stick to your favorites. As a 22 year old, I intend to broaden my horizons. I've never tried gin. Guess who's getting a small bottle of Tanqueray or Bombay Sapphire next trip to the liquor store?

This girl.

Also, just finally watched (500) Days of Summer - it's cute, and I'm in love with all of Zooey Deschenel's dresses. I want to wear more dresses in 2010. Become "that girl" that is ok with wearing dresses year round as normal clothes, not just another jeans and tshirt girl.

Bright big things. Let's do it.
One of these days, I promise, I'll actually start talking about having done these things, not just what I want to do.

Work Wanted:

Looking for part/full time work in Rochester, NY
Preferably not a desk job, and not involving a phone being attached to my head.
Need someone awesome?
leave a comment.

I should learn to just post at night..

Last one for the day - Sherlock Holmes was amazing. Go see it right away. It's long, but never boring. I was born in the wrong time period, the clothes from that movie are fantastic.

And we got a new wireless router today, mainly so I can have internet when at Kyles house. I'll be traveling with my Mac a lot more now.

Tonight, we drink Labatt Light & watch movies with friends - Edward Scissorhands (so I can learn my lines) and The Hangover. Sounds good to me.

Hope you've all been able to relax a little after the busy holidays.

Oh and

One more thing I forgot to mention - Eggy has left us. She wasn't doing very well since about mid-October and we knew she didn't have her pizzaz or energy left. She passed right after Christmas and I couldn't stand being without a hammie.

Almost immediately, in her honor, I was back out at the various Bing pet stores and found myself in love with this little flufferface: Schweppes.

She is so adorable, very quick, super fluffy and doesn't bite. She does, however, do this hissing thing when you try to get at her in her little home area of the cage. She's getting used to us though, Kyle and I handle her every day and let her run around in the ball every night. She's getting very good at coming out into the removable ball part of her cage when she's ready to come out and play.

I'm in love.

Not New Years,

...just a jump start before my birthday.
Elsie has the best ideas. I love her lists of what to do before her next birthday; they seem so much more rational than New Years Resolutions (practical, too). Since my birthday falls at the beginning of the year (January 13, my 21+1!), this makes more sense to me. Kyle insists I put goals for "us" on the list, but I think that defeats my purpose of making 2010 my most self-bettering year (you can read that as "selfish" if you'd prefer, but let's face it - I'm graduating halfway through the year, this is absolutely the year I need to focus on me and where I'm going / what I'm going to do with my life). I figure, the better I feel and become as a person, the better our relationship becomes, so the goals for us coincide and can simply go unspoken with the rest of the world.

So, without further ado, my 22 Things to do Before 23 list (in a loose but no particular order):
1) Graduate with Honors
2) Find a Rochester job -- Radio DJ, bartender, movie critic, event organizer
3) If not open the cafe/studio/gallery/bar with the Photoloves, at least find the location and work on getting a loan or what have you necessary for startup.
4) Finish the concert tshirt blanket I've started (and never finished) 2 summers ago.
5) Submit photos to at least four separate gallery shows / contests
6) PUPPY.
7) Officialize paperwork for sole proprietorship
8) Learn French
9) Box up my Binghamton life and find an apartment
10) Organize a serious bedroom and office
11) Embrace a drastic new hairstyle
12) Design my future full sleeve tattoo
13) Sew a dress
14) Logo designs, both personal and otherwise
15) March in a rally - 1 in NY, 1 elsewhere
16) Ride a mechanical bull
17) See a game at the new Yankee Stadium
18) Learn how to cook one full meal extremely well
19) See at least 5 live concerts
20) Create & officialize my own website (finally. another thing I've put off for years.)
21) Find my personal style (to match all of my shoes)
22) Paint a large-scale picture.

and on a side note, I'm going to learn how to vintage / Salvy shop like a pro. Gonna be a tight budget.

Of course, these goals don't mean I intend to give up my chance perspective, and just embrace whatever gets thrown my way.

What are your goals for 2010? I'm so mindblown that it's finally here... they aren't kidding when they tell you life goes faster the older you get.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget t make some art - write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."
-Neil Gaiman, found in Warren's blog

I have all sorts of goodies to post about later - for now, I'm off to eat pizza dip & then go buy a wireless router with the boy, so I'm not wired into his wall when at the apartment. I think we'll catch Sherlock Holmes while we're at it.

Happy 2010 everyone <3