Wishlist.

Click a picture to go to the order form page if you wanna spoil me. I won't say no. I'm an 8.5. 

Remember, I do have a birthday coming up right after Christmas...

23 before 24

The realization that this list is something that I feel compelled to do both frightens me to no end, and makes me really giddy. 

Because my birthday falls on the same week that most people have already given up on their New Years Resolution list, I took a challenge from Miss Elsie Flannigan and put together a 22 before 23 list last year, and can proudly say I did nearly everything on it. It's more of a goals list rather than resolutions, and that's something I can feel good about working at. 

Knowing it'll be here before I know it, and I'll be incredibly busy as soon as the New Year starts, I have started making my list today. 

I have such a sincere excitement about my list this year, but I'm a little freaked out about the number 24. 22 is my favorite number, and as of January 13th, it's over. And 23 is still a relatively "young" sounding age. Honestly, 24 freaks me a little. I think I'll warm up to it throughout the year though. Cross fingers for me (or just tell me to suck it up.). 

I have 6 things on my list, and 4 of them are conglomerate compounded goals. They make me smile real big.

Just sayin, you should probably look into making a goals list for yourself too; they keep me on track, and when I get bored and realize I have stuff to accomplish, I can refocus.

I am in love with my life. 

That's really all I have to say about that.

It's Been Quiet Here

I went home with the pups to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family & helped my dad put most everything together over mimosas. Swayze enjoyed chewing on wood while Dad built a fire, and TinTin crashed out in front of the fire and was the most content I've seen him in a few days. It was adorable how the fam took to Tin, and Tin to them - he laid right out on Dad's feet under the table for dinner. 

Sway also decided to maul my phone. Thankfully I have insurance so I got a replacement yesterday and up and running today. I hate starting over, there's just too much info to transfer over.

I watch a lot of Pitbulls & Parolees, Pit Boss, and Animal Cops. Channel 18 is on most of the day.

I'm half and half on the Nicki Minaj cd - it's good, because it's her, but it's also not as ... harsh? I guess? as I'd expected. There's a few gems, but there's definitely a bunch that fall real flat.

Had a raging headache since early Thursday morning so I missed Black Friday shopping, but I made up for it while online shopping. One gift away from having the whole family shopping finished.  Accomplished? You bet.

Gotta run errands after lunch.

I don't do a whole lot these days.

The Opposite of Nostalgia

Turns out there isn't a word for it.

I'm in a constant state of looking forward these days, because I'm not thrilled with the standstill I'm at right now, and there's so little I look back on and just pine for. 

There are things I miss - I miss Canterbury, I miss nights from Freshman year and nights from Senior year. I don't miss high school, I don't miss college itself, I don't miss much. 

I love post-grad.

But there's so much I look forward to, I can't wait for it to happen. 

I get happy because of things to come rather than things in the past. 

Currently, I'm sick of the rain / sleet / wind / gloom of Syracuse. 

I'm missing my camera and inspiration and creativity. 

I hate my hair cut and color, and I'm very seriously considering extensions. 

I just want to take pictures of pretty people, get some sun on my face, and to magically have my hair grow back.

I'm ready for a restart. 

Going to have to put the jump start on hold again, but more details on that in the near future. 

I can't complain, I'm just prenostalgic (yup, made my own word.)

"I wish I like ANYTHING as much as my kids like bubbles"

this is exactly what dreamers, schemers, artists and crazies need to hear. because it's all too easy to give up and become the person you've been running away from your whole life. 
-a commenter on Jeremy Larson's blog post, which you should read here 
 
I myself frequently question what I'm doing with my life. 
I went to art school. It's a scary and dangerous prospect to go to school for a profession that, unless you want to teach (I don't.), does not require a degree. At the very least, I gained the experience of how to speak to crowds and hold my own with peers in the business, but other than that (directly speaking to my core classes, of course, as this is not to downplay college itself, I wouldn't trade my four years for anything), a lot of my actual photo knowledge has been on-the-job experience and gigs where I have to wing it until I get it just right. To be fair, sure, school helped with that, I definitely graduated with Bullshit 101 Honors, but from the classes? The actual knowledge could be gotten from books and just talking to people (Neil, don't take this the wrong way if you're reading - I'm incredibly thankful for the insight and aid, but you know what I mean, right?). I spent a lot of money to own my own small business.

And I did. 7 months since graduation, and I own my own business.
When it's good, it's really good. I built up enough to take care of  myself through the early winter, but I won't get through February without more work, and where I'm at right now business-wise doesn't allow me to shoot as willingly as I'd prefer. 
 
It's scary. As hell.
I just made a huge investment, and I plan on moving out. Talk about scary bills to pay soon. 
I so often worry about the sacrifices I have to make to my art (and ultimately, my soul) in order to make ends meet. I couldn't dream of not working for myself anymore, and my sacrifices aren't to give up, but how much time I can commit to another job strictly for making money, with the hopes of not detracting from my own personal work. 
 
Did I mention this is scary? 
I'm 22. I'm going to be 23 in 2 months. I am so young in comparison to other people doing what I do, and I constantly worry about getting myself into debt already, or screwing up my credit, or making disastrous mistakes on IRS forms, EVERYTHING short of the art side of my business scares the hell out of me right now. 


I can't give up on my dreams. I want to be a glamorous photographer; I want to shoot nightlife and have those sorts of people in my life and be paid for having a good time; I want to try my hand at burlesque performing; I want to open a cafe / bar / gallery; I want to just make the places I want to hang out at a reality and make some money & a lifestyle from it. 
Unfortunately, all of this requires money. And I don't exactly have any. Not any I can just put away in savings and hope to use properly some time in the future. There's so much I want to jump in to right away, and between needing patience (I also don't have any of that...) and money, I know that can't happen.


Breathe. 
This post got a little out of control.
But, oh hey, I'm human and I have fears. So there they are. 
I want to be an artist. Performance, photographer, space designer, and a funployer for those who are like me, and just need someone else to have it set up for them to make it happen.

I need a part time job that doesn't interfere, and pays. 
Retail, here I come. 
(god that's heartbreaking.)

Mr. Swayze

Introducing the newest addition to my life, the terrier meets (german shepard? no one's sure.) puppy (although no one can tell us how old he is either...) Swayze!!

I'm so in love.

good story: on the way to pick him up, I Had The Time of My Life came on the radio right at the exit I needed to take to get him. Moments don't get much better than that.

As I'm not a morning person, he promises to make them quite early and tedious, but he's worth it by afternoon when he steals my heart again. 

Not a lot to update on until he gets a vet check up, but I'm smitten.

I love my little family ♥

Sure

I can't believe how much nothing I've done today. I didn't make breakfast or lunch. At best, I took a shower, updated/balanced my business account, and walked the dog. At worst, I sat on the couch and followed about a dozen tumblrs. I had pants on at one point, but they got wet on the walk, so now I'm back to sweats. That's how much nothing I've done.

I don't intend for my evening to be much more productive, although I will probably put on my eyeliner. 

1 day, 18 hours, and 44 minutes.

Surprises to come, lovelies!

Give it a LookSee

www.ShannaMcKayPhotography.com

it is completely revamp'd and updated - lemme know what you think!!

In other news, the dog is asleep on his back, all 4 legs sprawled out, and the cat is snoring on the couch next to me.
I love this life.

This Life

I have no news that isn't good. And the best news is still a surprise.

I have no good stories, I'm sorry there's nothing to update you on, but believe you me, the best is yet to come. 

Hope everyone had an amazing Halloween!