this is exactly what dreamers, schemers, artists and crazies need to hear. because it's all too easy to give up and become the person you've been running away from your whole life.
-a commenter on Jeremy Larson's blog post, which you should read here
I myself frequently question what I'm doing with my life.
I went to art school. It's a scary and dangerous prospect to go to school for a profession that, unless you want to teach (I don't.), does not require a degree. At the very least, I gained the experience of how to speak to crowds and hold my own with peers in the business, but other than that (directly speaking to my core classes, of course, as this is not to downplay college itself, I wouldn't trade my four years for anything), a lot of my actual photo knowledge has been on-the-job experience and gigs where I have to wing it until I get it just right. To be fair, sure, school helped with that, I definitely graduated with Bullshit 101 Honors, but from the classes? The actual knowledge could be gotten from books and just talking to people (Neil, don't take this the wrong way if you're reading - I'm incredibly thankful for the insight and aid, but you know what I mean, right?). I spent a lot of money to own my own small business.
-a commenter on Jeremy Larson's blog post, which you should read here
I myself frequently question what I'm doing with my life.
I went to art school. It's a scary and dangerous prospect to go to school for a profession that, unless you want to teach (I don't.), does not require a degree. At the very least, I gained the experience of how to speak to crowds and hold my own with peers in the business, but other than that (directly speaking to my core classes, of course, as this is not to downplay college itself, I wouldn't trade my four years for anything), a lot of my actual photo knowledge has been on-the-job experience and gigs where I have to wing it until I get it just right. To be fair, sure, school helped with that, I definitely graduated with Bullshit 101 Honors, but from the classes? The actual knowledge could be gotten from books and just talking to people (Neil, don't take this the wrong way if you're reading - I'm incredibly thankful for the insight and aid, but you know what I mean, right?). I spent a lot of money to own my own small business.
And I did. 7 months since graduation, and I own my own business.
When it's good, it's really good. I built up enough to take care of myself through the early winter, but I won't get through February without more work, and where I'm at right now business-wise doesn't allow me to shoot as willingly as I'd prefer.
It's scary. As hell.
I just made a huge investment, and I plan on moving out. Talk about scary bills to pay soon.
I so often worry about the sacrifices I have to make to my art (and ultimately, my soul) in order to make ends meet. I couldn't dream of not working for myself anymore, and my sacrifices aren't to give up, but how much time I can commit to another job strictly for making money, with the hopes of not detracting from my own personal work.
Did I mention this is scary?
I'm 22. I'm going to be 23 in 2 months. I am so young in comparison to other people doing what I do, and I constantly worry about getting myself into debt already, or screwing up my credit, or making disastrous mistakes on IRS forms, EVERYTHING short of the art side of my business scares the hell out of me right now.
I can't give up on my dreams. I want to be a glamorous photographer; I want to shoot nightlife and have those sorts of people in my life and be paid for having a good time; I want to try my hand at burlesque performing; I want to open a cafe / bar / gallery; I want to just make the places I want to hang out at a reality and make some money & a lifestyle from it.
Unfortunately, all of this requires money. And I don't exactly have any. Not any I can just put away in savings and hope to use properly some time in the future. There's so much I want to jump in to right away, and between needing patience (I also don't have any of that...) and money, I know that can't happen.
Breathe.
This post got a little out of control.
But, oh hey, I'm human and I have fears. So there they are.
I want to be an artist. Performance, photographer, space designer, and a funployer for those who are like me, and just need someone else to have it set up for them to make it happen.
I need a part time job that doesn't interfere, and pays.
Retail, here I come.
(god that's heartbreaking.)
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