Just to recap

In February, I:

*Finally finished my 23 Before 24 List

*Got jaded by NYC ventures

*Sold out and got a retail job to make ends meet
*Dyed my hair black [and found out I hate it, but hey at least now we know].

*Attended a bridal expo with my Bestie for her wedding

*Booked an April shoot, my first adventure into Dudoir photography

*Found a house and signed the lease with one of my best friends

*Decided to start my personal and business taxes before I ran out of free time & met a new accountant

For such a short month, I feel rather accomplished.

March is going to fly - I already have most of my work schedule and I have to seriously start packing and saving and generally being an adult. I think I made a mature decision, a healthy one for both myself and my puppy. I think I can handle the idea of a year deadline to figure out what I really want to do with my life. 

Right out of school, I was blinded by what I thought others wanted me to do. I have a year to clear my head, save money, and genuinely enjoy being a little settled on my own for the first time in my life. I think, in retrospect, I was selfishly (and childishly) jumping into the NYC plans without my head on my shoulders or any concept of reality. What I was looking to do there wasn't even what I think my heart would want. 

My heart is content for the first time in years.

It hurts sometimes, but only because it's so full.

I am always aware of my anxiety, but I think it's finally only because I'm so afraid it's all a dream sometimes; that there's just no way one person can be so lucky.

We got the house.

more to come when I'm not in total shock anymore.

Anxiety Like No Other

Remember when I said I was going to get a mall retail job if I wasn't in NYC by Feb 18th? I interviewed at Burlington Coat Factory on Valentines day, and after a good interview, she basically told me "We only hire 1 out of 10 people I interview, and checking your references will take the longest. You could hear from us in as little as four days, or up to a month." - I left feeling less than enthusiastic and optomisitic.

Well, they called me and ended up starting me *on* the 18th. So for whatever reason, that was an excellent deadline. I've been there about two weeks, it's minimum wage, I don't love it but I also have nothing to complain about. Money is money. 

This, unfortunately, puts me in the Binghamton area longer than I'd anticipated. I figure I'm going to stay long enough to save money through this job, and as the Spring starts, my photo seasons pick up again, both working for myself and my freelance gigs through Park Studio. Might as well find somewhere else to be settled for a bit? because 'home' just doesn't feel right anymore. Swayze feels like a burden and I haven't felt "at home" since graduation.

Therefore, there are plans on the horizon to move out of the house by April at the earliest, May at the latest. My hopes are painfully high for the situation Casey and I just got ourselves signed up for. I'm so so nervous. My anxiety is through the roof, for various reasons including but not limited to: can I afford it, how do I decorate, how do I afford to decorate, can I cope with staying in an area I'm not really happy in, and above all: what if the landlord decides to rent to anyone but us?

The house we looked at is perfect. Obviously I'm ridiculously worried we won't get it. It's too good to be true: a fenced in back yard for Sway, a driveway, washer and drier, 2 floors, 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths. It's beyond ideal for the 2 of us and 3 pets. Pretty sure we're both going to be devastated if we don't get it. 

I've had a racing heart for nearly 24 hours. 

Cross your fingers for us?

If it's meant to be, it'll work out. I'm having trouble coping with the thought that it may not be. Everything else points to it's supposed to be ours.

Holy Wow.

I.... am trying not to get my hopes up.
But my life is sort of oddly falling into place.
I intend to update you all shortly, just let me get my feet solidly on the ground first while my head's in the clouds.

In the meantime - Oscars!

Before 24

To be honest, 23 doesn’t scare me. 24 scares me. 24 just… feels old when you say it. It sounds very “adult” to me, and I’m not entirely sure I’m ready for that still. I think I’ll always just grow older, not up.

1.     Become ordained.

2.     Create a piece of art (or 7) from vintage hat boxes & luggage (as I have quite a growing collection that has little to no use other than “pretty clutter” [side goal: CUT DOWN ON CLUTTER IN MY LIFE!!]

o   Inspiration: 

o   Find a way to bring art back into my life, full time.

3.     Move into my own apartment & decorate it minimalist and from my soul (lots of unique art, less “framed snap shots”)

o   Inspiration: Caroline’s paintings (GET FRAMED!)

4.     Get fit.

o   Take Swazye on regular morning jogs

o   Back to the gym with Casey

o   Attempt a “replacement” lifestyle diet – whole wheat, less carbs, no saturated fats or high fructose sugars that aren’t directly from fruits / nature.

5.     Cook at least one meal every week that I haven’t made before.

6.      Invest in real, non hand-me-down camera equipment.

7.      Start a new, fully-thought out photo project for galleries or magazine submission.

8.      Make a spring/summer roadtrip to 200 East Commercial St, Springfield MO 65803 to meet Elsie and visit the RVA shop.

9.      Be part of something bigger

o   Rallies

o   Non-profits

10.   Perform burlesque at least once.

11.   Revamp personal style

o   Less clothes, more style

o   Invest in pieces of the same tailoring or color scheme so mixing and matching can be done cleanly, and with less closet space.

I was inspired to do this after reading Vixxen Intention's post discussing the Free People's mix and match clothing:

12.   Watch less tv.

13.   Use toy cameras more

o   Find the voice I once had in them again – the uniqueness, the avant guard I fell in love with before.

14.   Work on letting things go as quickly as I used to be able to.

15.   Plan and/or just go to California for little while.

o   Should I fall in love, don’t let anything hold me back from finding a way to stay out there. I mean who knows, I know that I hate wearing socks and places that snow 6-7 months a year. I’ve never been to Cali, and you just never know.

16.   Feel beautiful in my own skin (I suppose this flashes back to #4).

17.   Get good at being alone.

18.   Take longer and longer walks with Swayze, every day.

19.   Take more pictures just for me.

20.   Send more snailmail, both cards and care packages. Facebook is great and all, but I miss my friends from school more and more every day, and I miss the easy exchange of silly things.

21.   Start saving money for future café once I’ve found somewhere I love. [[I don't want to discuss the particulars right now, but I won't always just be a photographer, I want somewhere to call my own someday.]] I do not want to risk opportunity knocking, and not having anything squirreled away in preparation. Luck favors the prepared, after all.

22.    Find where my heart belongs. Debate settling.

23.    Learn how to change my own oil.

 

A little practical mixed in with a little personal.  A few things that require money, and few that are repurposing.  A few that were brought on by inspirational photos, and a few that are inspired by future plans.

What are a few of your goals for the next year? I'd love to hear them in the comments section!